Journalism... Day 1

I want thirteen year-old Alexia who moved to Waldorf in 2004 to hold my hand through this. Even though she is thirteen and I am twenty, she is older than me because she existed, happened, took place, or was born, exaclty seven years ago... and I am here right now. I am newer. I've been here for less time.

Harkness method, hello-o... 5 years later it's still the same talk.

I'm sort of awaiting disappointment but I hope it doesn't come.

You win me

You win me over every time I see you
I miss you so much, I miss you all the time, even when you’re there
You tell me I’m putting up a wall
And we’re still at the point where the fact that you are hard-headed is extremely charming
and works to my advantage
And you hide little glares that beam on me like I was pig meat
You’re a huge weirdo
I miss you when I’m sleeping next to you in your bed
We’re so scared of each other and have no business being together
Sometimes I see you and you look so blunt
And only later does your face become jovial and keen again
You’re probably working so hard right now
Whoring yourself out
You have no esthetic sense and are a little bit tasteless
You want me to go buy clothes and glasses with you
We’ve come a – relatively – long way
Your parents probably think I don’t know you were an accident

If you outgrow me, I’ll kill you
You have the power to make me feel stupid
I couldn’t define what type had to do with me, and you’re so different from all the types I fathomed were my type, that I think I found what type has to do with me
I miss you in my sleep
and I don’t care if you have morning breath
You’re almost thirty
You like someone shorter, smaller, younger, and less accomplished than you
You are remarkably giving in bed
insomuch that you could scar me for life with pleasure
You treat me like no one has before
It almost makes me feel ashamed
Because it makes me feel like I’m being so greedy and spoiled
Asking you to tie yourself to me and to let me do the same to you
Knowing you, you’d say, But I want to
And we would just be two greedy people feeding off each other’s – delicious – greed

Bus Musings

how fast can you get me home

I'm sure my immune system will do its best

The best pens are taken ones

cool little theories

I think I should shapen up my vocabulary

It's just a matter of time before a speed bump messes up my handwriting

I love being touched, but I hate it when strangers touch me. Unless they're hot.

I love the color of this page

I feel like God when I'm writing

It's very simple.
Architecture becomes the most high-paying job in the world
My college becomes the top quality and renown college in the world
I am truly more talented than anyone else in the world at architecture and will therefore be the best-paid and most sought-after architect in the world.
I am very happy and do pretty much all the things that I want to do and am not neurotic.
Gabriel is gay but he goes straight for me and we have an intense, wonderful, romantic, sexy, fun, loving, serious, long-lasting relationship together.

Meeting My Dad's Girlfriend

Bam.
I woke up on a Saturday afternoon at about 1:30, looked at myself and said

Why am I naked?



You're just a motherfucker with a tattoo.

The thing is, if you get a tattoo... you're just a motherfucker with a tattoo.


I didn't just wonder why I was naked. I wondered why I was born. Man this shit sounds so philosophical and deep, but really it's just a drunken bipolar syndrome and what might soon become a cocaine problem. Or a baking soda problem.

I don't know why and I know it's super crude and even crass but "motherfucker" is like my favorite word. I have blithely replaced the word "person" with the word "motherfucker" in every sentence in my mind.

This shit pen is running out of ink on me.

I have to become a good and decent person. I am most of the time, it's just that to me last night was worth like a whole month of rock-bottom trashiness and just doing the direct opposite of whatever I'd normally do.
Oh yeah.

Agnosticism

dear god

please end globalization. and hipsters.

Amen


If I had a band, I would call it Resorting to Religion

'09

This year, I:

- Lived in the U.S.A.
- Got into college
- Lived in Brazil
- Cursed god
- Was and felt all alone
- Danced in high places
- Had sex
- Met someone in the same state as myself
- Fell in love
- Graduated from high school
- Cried as I left my friend for what might be forever
- Took ecstasy
- Fell in love with colleges
- Set hundreds of hours apart to study and never did
- Made out with awesome people
- Talked for like eight hours straight to the same person
- Took pictures
- Realized that I loved and how much I loved certain people
- Lost the alleged two absolute best friends I had in the whole world
- Finally tore away from my self-destructive love affair after years
- Had a nightmare
- Has an absolutely beautiful dream
- Met someone who was almost exactly like someone I knew from the past who died
- Was completely honest and said absolutely everything that I felt
- Wanted to kill myself
- Screamed and pranced with joy
- Realized I was right back to where I started
- Realized next year is actually going to be determinant and significant to me
- Spoke French
- Snorted cocaine
- For X-mas gifts, bought a thermometer and and adapter
- Lied in the fresh spring grass
- Hugged a cat
- Came back Home
- Smoked weed
- Ate miojo
- Smoked cigarettes
- Felt jealous
- Became more myself
- Went home at 8:30 AM
- Missed people
- Received extremely evident and extensive hickies
- Bit someone's nose
- Bit someone's ears
- Told someone their eyes were beautiful
- Sang in the shower
- Got very sick
- Got my heart broken
- Went to New York
- Rolled in my empty apartment with my sister
- Was so tired I went to bed extremely early
- Gave head
- Showed up unannounced
- Was late
- Was early
- Was hurt
- Travelled
- Wore bun pigtails
- Spoke pig latin
- Was very, very happy and excited
- Bought a calendar
- Was very sad and desolate
- Clinked my glass with others' glasses and dedicated it to something
- Cried in a club
- Felt embarrassed
- Ran races
- Went to France
- Laughed
- Hurt myself
- Bled
- Annoyed
- Was annoyed
- Hurt others
- Had a lot of fun
- Went to places to which I will probably never go again
- Went to places where I will probably live and to which I will be going a lot and for a long, long time
- Fantasized
- Felt estranged
- Got questions right
- Got questions wrong
- Used people
- Wanted to kill people
- Hated my face
- Felt unlucky
- Learned
- Saw people from the past
- Went to a show
- Felt scared
- Made lists
- Drew pictures
- Took down homework I didn't do
- Kissed a friend
- Wrote a manuscript

Dez Frases (sobre arquitetura e o Rio de Janeiro)

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai Gue-gaaaa...”

Que lindas calçadas, prédios e mar

Qual é a utilidade do desenho do MAC?

Achei novas e fabulosas pessoas

Que noite, as cores verde e amarelo nas nossas línguas, nos nossos pés e nas estrelas

Cristo redentor é o fool on the hill

Tem-se de ir a um lugar onde o ar é diferente. Aqui, o ar é diferente.

As outras pessoas e o mar retumbando do seu lado te motivam a correr no calçadão

Carioca não gosta de trabalhar, paulistano é cinza e pesado, carioca é esportista, carioca é mais feliz... eis a diferença que uma praia faz em nossas vidas

Cantagalo, Botafogo, Matacavalos