Nothing Means Anything if Nothing is Forever

I smoked through my whole adolescence.

It's going to be weird to start living without smoking.

I thought I wanted to be reckless my whole life.

Taking drugs, sending money to hell, living outside the system. Just all-around not being another brick in the wall.
I think maybe, either way, we are.
Man, I'm serious - I don't wanna get old.
Shit.
Kicking and screaming, times heaves you over its shoulder and takes you away.

I can't be old.
I've never been old.

I wish people didn't live as long as they do.

All I've ever known is being young.

What is forever?
Does anything last forever?

How can I be getting old if I still haven't got so many deep-seated things figured out yet? I haven't even really totally gotten myself figured out yet.
A year ago, I was in high school!
I thought that was forever.
I thought that me, the way I was as a child was forever.
What am I really?
What is anything if nothing stays the same?
Change is forever.
I guess.
In the pictures I have in front of me, I am 2, 9, 14, and 18.
So I am a metamorphosis.
I was a baby, a child, a teenager... and now, I guess, an adult... even though I don't feel like it.
Why can't things stay the same??
Because everything is meaningless?
Why is there a past?
Why do I have to accept?
The only way I can be happy and at peace is if I accept.
Accept that time is an inevitable undertoe that everybody is stuck in.
In the long run, nothing means anything if nothing is forever. In the long run, I mean nothing if I am not forever.
How I'd like to leave this dimension where we are all nothing but little ants.
Change may be forever... but where am I in the context?
Part of a greater progression to something greater that might happen a long while from now.
I am not God.
I am not the center of anything.
I am just the means.
Me and everybody else in the whole world. Life now seems like a scary ride. Why do we have so much feeling and consciousness if we're not really all that meaningful?
I would have preferred to have never felt that way in the first place.
So I could accept.
I can be meaningful in society.
I guess that's it though. Good-bye is every moment.
I want to stay positive.
I may be another brick in the wall.
But what I will do for and leave in society won't be.
And within the limits of our own small, possibly meaningless, human reality.
I have to go to sleep. But does anyone know the answers to all these questions?
I agree with Woody Allen: Enjoy life.
And here's what else:

LIFE IS NOT MEANINGLESS TO ME.

It may objectively be meaningless. But my life, my experiences, the people, the world ---
IT'S NOT MEANINGLESS to me. I'm not forever. But this is my life - my gift. And it means everything to me.

On Love (and Ganja)

I hate you but you are gorgeous

you're
my
vitamin
dee

and I
love you.
I really
really do.

I'm not happy, I'm dumb.

ele é lindo
ele é lindo, ele é maravilhoso
ele tem cachinhos lindos

I can't believe how much I want you.
I am very fixated, not actually in love.

grande céu
de estrelas
dollars
este é o meu mundo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

tudo é um motivo para rir!!

AhAhAhAhAha
Que dó!

Nobody wants me
Ninguém me care

gkhAHA

beauty é a coisa mais "uou" que tem no planeta.
UOU!

eu te amo, e quero dizer que te amo todo dia.
Soon.
I got som'm betta dan LUV!

haHAha
que dó! pela 3a vez

This Louse Don't Want to Bite Your Head No More

fkkkgk
where is myself
i am nothing
i love focusing on the flea that is myself
the little louse that i am
on the head of hair that is the world
in the confusing nothingness that i know nothing about that is the universe
i am a louse without a name
scratch me out
poor little louse
that doesn't matter
poor meaningless little louse
smush it before it bites your head
stupid and careless
meaningless language
that us lice use to communicate
and think it's art
art - a lice concept
so very silly and stupid
i am a louse that wants to kill another louse
and do the head a favor
in doing so
a broken watch
how i'd like to be gone
where is gone?
take me to gone
take this poor silly little louse to gone
'cause it don't want to bite your head no more
gone - the happiest place in the world.
happy - another louse concept.
i am a louse that doesn't want to be a louse
i am a louse that wants to be a grain of sand.
I am meaningless. So I want to be meaningless.
Ya dig?
I want to feel meaningless.
To my louse self.
i'd be more meaningful if i was a ridge in tree bark.
if i was a ripple in water.
if i was a vein in a leaf.
if i was cigarette smoke.
if i was a parachute-seed on a dandelion.
if i was a sunbeam.
if i was the sound of a wave.
if i was