Nothing Means Anything if Nothing is Forever

I smoked through my whole adolescence.

It's going to be weird to start living without smoking.

I thought I wanted to be reckless my whole life.

Taking drugs, sending money to hell, living outside the system. Just all-around not being another brick in the wall.
I think maybe, either way, we are.
Man, I'm serious - I don't wanna get old.
Shit.
Kicking and screaming, times heaves you over its shoulder and takes you away.

I can't be old.
I've never been old.

I wish people didn't live as long as they do.

All I've ever known is being young.

What is forever?
Does anything last forever?

How can I be getting old if I still haven't got so many deep-seated things figured out yet? I haven't even really totally gotten myself figured out yet.
A year ago, I was in high school!
I thought that was forever.
I thought that me, the way I was as a child was forever.
What am I really?
What is anything if nothing stays the same?
Change is forever.
I guess.
In the pictures I have in front of me, I am 2, 9, 14, and 18.
So I am a metamorphosis.
I was a baby, a child, a teenager... and now, I guess, an adult... even though I don't feel like it.
Why can't things stay the same??
Because everything is meaningless?
Why is there a past?
Why do I have to accept?
The only way I can be happy and at peace is if I accept.
Accept that time is an inevitable undertoe that everybody is stuck in.
In the long run, nothing means anything if nothing is forever. In the long run, I mean nothing if I am not forever.
How I'd like to leave this dimension where we are all nothing but little ants.
Change may be forever... but where am I in the context?
Part of a greater progression to something greater that might happen a long while from now.
I am not God.
I am not the center of anything.
I am just the means.
Me and everybody else in the whole world. Life now seems like a scary ride. Why do we have so much feeling and consciousness if we're not really all that meaningful?
I would have preferred to have never felt that way in the first place.
So I could accept.
I can be meaningful in society.
I guess that's it though. Good-bye is every moment.
I want to stay positive.
I may be another brick in the wall.
But what I will do for and leave in society won't be.
And within the limits of our own small, possibly meaningless, human reality.
I have to go to sleep. But does anyone know the answers to all these questions?
I agree with Woody Allen: Enjoy life.
And here's what else:

LIFE IS NOT MEANINGLESS TO ME.

It may objectively be meaningless. But my life, my experiences, the people, the world ---
IT'S NOT MEANINGLESS to me. I'm not forever. But this is my life - my gift. And it means everything to me.